AFTER THE MISHAP


he spent the day
drawing hummingbirds,
tomorrow elephants

"cosmic censorship"

"Phil's so cool he's
brilliant, he's in Poland...
we went to this concert
& then he became uncool...
I think he got into
the Grateful Dead"

"born from a peach"

two  birds fallen from their
nest, yes, necessary--
needful in a hunt

paper beauty doll
will have been done
	this murder
soul, singular
rest before the journey
the one I admire most 
among them
yes, I know, I'm watching
hands still, still
in the making
with so few words
contentment--solace
somnambulant reactions

"I'd shake all night"
"You're on my mind"
"You're worrying me"
"I've been thinking about you"
"I've been dreaming about you"

 weird visitor
	multiplicity
not an organ
	but of opposites all
within the polarity
	an end

like a jewel in a toad's head
    a plea for polyandry

"take the key out
& see if the car
still runs"
"I don't care what
I think I see or dream"

must give you
gifts for the gifts
you've given me

he admired James Brown
& his polysexuality
I could kiss you all night
he said

"get comfortable &
make yourself
	homesick"

"for all of the reasons
I desired you"
"things were glowing"

yes I admit it I felt
loved--quite an accomplishment

makin' love again
with the tv on
someone talking about
wanting love or
losing love or
being in love
lots of talk
about love on tv
makes us pause
 freeze frame
"got any change, young blood"

forbidden words
hide on the street
the mind must be
incandescent--free
	unimpeded

"A gift to the gods"
change for the toll

I'm a gypsy
with these earrings
& those mirrors
smiling from my breasts
my witnessing self

"are you o.k.?"
    constant checking
        for an imbalance
            a downward swing
a fall into the field of wanting
instead of your well of light
let me jump
	push me
it's so bright

now this is like a song
and you belong to...

I open the door
and the wind sings etc...
let me jump

tightness in chest
	anger
shortness of breath
	anxiety
heaviness in lower body
	depression

madness as divinity
    closer
	to the source

 today he draws
	crocodiles and alligators

so it is done
it is done
in this way

baseball cap protects
him form rain
I  push all of his
language buttons
   he carries me
        around
	in his pocket

I'm confounded
once again by
	possibilities

push me
I don't feel free
	to choose
I don't feel free
freedom is an alien
	to my memory

how narrow
how maddening
how stifling
can the realm
of choices be
before choice
becomes command

up against the wall
down on the floor
answer me yes or no

pull me in
it all fell down

on me
fearful
full of dread
it all fell down

a physical thing
nervousness in the body
followed by numbness
in the heart

stuck on one groove
don't know where I am

turning night's corner
"I don't want to make
you suffer"
she said

yesterday
all afternoon
he drew Amish people
tomorrow hešs doing
Germany

it is becoming precious

try another number
to take me to oblivion
where could that be tonight

do you wanna smile
	from me
no--I see
how the pain 
	in my eyes
excites you

how many more
  how many can I find

a story
  a belt unbuckling
     a black stockinged leg
        a glistening nipple
           an open courting carriage
two horses
     we sit tightly together

you lied to me

 standing on a whale
another big fish story
story of the girl
who fell down
a deep deep hole
Messiah complex stirs
	stoops

another minor goddess
I dangle keys
in the dark

need a new myth
spontaneous meat

let's investigate
the dream machine

power plant
paralyzes heart
short-circuits the flow
of empathy

you are luminous twins
under the streetlights
of Avenue B

said you'd show me
the banana trick
	one day

telling the story
of a woman who
conceived with a drum
within the drum
a case, a box
a face, a fist
	a heart
an army of ants

let's rock
let's knock down
the doors of
heaven and horror
in the field of time

here--now
stop--wait

you lied to me
a small lie of omission
of definition of terms
big words for small sensations
or small sensations
become large visions
tell me in real time
does it get any easier
how do you remember
	beauty